yes

The changes are bubbling up like sweet foam and I'm bouncing with anticipation. My mottos for now are kindness before everything and, simply, the word yes. Yes, I will take that risk. Yes, I will write a little terrible something because I'm feeling in the mood. Yes, I will push forward with my life into unknown territory. Yes, I will embrace my flawed story and flawed relationships with everything I have. Yes, of course, a thousand times.

Things get good and bad again and good and bad and good. The sun hangs out over new green lawns til past eight o clock now, just yawning at me. I'm sick of travels and ready for nothing. And after too much nothing I will scurry around, filing financial documents and deleting old files off my computer. I try one thing for a while, love it, hate it, and move on. There is ebb and flow. There is fear and freedom.

Everyone is graduating again and the world flips on its back like a puppy. Let's start over. It's spring, another beginning, what would you like to do? I think I'm gonna be a teacher. I think I'm gonna get married some day. I think I'm gonna get bored and hate my life a million times only to wake up feeling better, filled with perfect blessed gratitude.

I'm glad I'm me. I'm so glad to have had time to grow up and make big mistakes. I'm a guilty freak, ask anyone who knows me, but I've carved out a place to feel good about all the stuff I simultaneously hate myself for. Live and learn is absolute truth. Living is learning, and learning is a type of change that only emerges from the deepest emotional experiences, and some of those (or maybe most) are painful.

And now I'm thinking about freshman year American Literature, reading about Frederick Douglass and reading Emerson's essays, those searing, eye opening, can't look away truths. Yes, learning is painful. Yes, I hate myself sometimes. Yes, this is all good. Yes, I will push forward. Yes, everyday is new. Yes, I can love life wholly and embrace the other side of joy. Yes, of course, a thousand times...