Go to work

The other day I posted a Facebook update asking my collective newsfeed to stop picking on the women who choose to be engaged before 25. I received a lot of feedback, some supportive, some confrontational. It got me thinking about my own selfishness, how easily I pick out the faults of others without considering how I might be guilty of the same transgressions. I constantly think in terms of "they" or "people need to" and when I say "we" I don't consider enough about "me." What am I putting out there? Am I being kind enough, am I giving everyone a fair chance to be a complex, faulted, human person?

For example, I've spent years believing that I am not part of the "entitlement" generation. I've read countless articles about how people my age believe they deserve certain things-- the killer job, the house, the car, the life-- but are not willing to wait or work for them. Pffft, I'd think to myself, those people are just awful.

Running parallel to this belief is my own anxiety over my, so very important, existence in this universe. What am I doing, I think (every day), and where am I headed. Should I go off to graduate school? My job is so bland; I'm so smart. I'm bored and I deserve to be challenged! And so I'd go on and on, thinking myself into a huge stink, while sitting around, eating pita chips, rolling my eyes, and doing absolutely nothing else to change the situation or the thoughts themselves.

I deserve? I deserve!? I deserve nothing! Sure I worked hard in school, I got good grades, I played the game and got by with a really good reputation. But, the truth is, I don't try very hard. And considering the extremely privileged life I was born into, completing college and getting good grades is hardly anything to go crazy over. I did what I was supposed to. And now I deserve whatever I want? I'm totally guilty.

It's time to start working hard. It's time to shut up about my incredibly decent job and go to work. It's time to stop thinking "I deserve." People don't just stroll into museums and universities when they're 22 and get all the jobs. People don't just have the money to buy awesome little houses and awesome little dogs. Just because my dreams are simple doesn't mean I don't have to work to make them come true. 

I'm sad to admit that this is a breakthrough. Oh, I guess I have to work to get what I want. And, I have to be patient. And sometimes, life is going to be really sad and/or boring and/or frustrating. At least now I know that it's okay. And I know there's something I can do: I can work. Work at work. Work on my writing. Work on my brain thoughts. Work on my hobbies, my relationships, and my savings account. I need to go to work and never stop.

So this is me strapping on my work boots and turning off that pitiful whiny voice that keeps telling me what I deserve. This is me getting up in the morning and earning the life I work for.