Well, it didn't take long for me to give up on my cold turkey technology diet. But even a week's worth of deprivation taught me a few things, particularly how often I habitually check certain platforms. I've started posting less to Instagram because I now acknowledge the unhealthy satisfaction I get from likes, views, comments, etc. I want to live my life, not post about it. I think the other important message is, if I'm not trying to think of how to make my life look a certain way, I have to grapple with what I actually, truly want to do. What am I interested? What are my goals? Especially now that I've hurdled through all the pre-planned pitstops in my young life. I'm done with high school, done with college, and not planning on chasing after any monumental career goals just yet. I'm realizing that knowing what I want isn't as easy as I thought, especially with no giant arrows pointing me in the right direction. It really is the little moments, the sometimes painful monotony of everyday that slowly reveals where to go and what to do next. I'm exploring every nagging interest, making notes, and trying to take more risks. Not knowing what comes next or how to avoid making a big mistake makes this one of the most terrifying times in my whole life, as cliche as that sounds. But every time I feel fear I try to turn it on its head, spin it positive and smile.
I think social media provokes this discussion because it is so comparative and performance based. As embarrassing as it is to admit to myself, I think I did (and sometimes still do) believe that if I could make life look good then life would be good. Which, of course, isn't true. However, the other, more optimistic look at the tremendous amount of postings I take in every day is that, to an extent, they are inspirational. When I logged into bloglovin' this morning I had 368 posts in my feed. Clicking through and reading about these various womens' lives I had the occasional moment of "damn, why am I not doing that?" But mostly I found myself smiling, my brain whirring. After a few minutes, I opened up to a clean page in my battered notebook and jotted down "Good things: plans, dreams and positivity!" In read through just a small portion of missed posts, I got the idea to run a 5K, make homemade soup, support small business, and set 4 simple goals for myself, including to blog once a week until the new year.
Following through on this inspiration rather than getting swept under by the exhausting current that is my 9-hour a day, 6 day a week work schedule is another story. But no matter how many times I have an inspirational idea and don't follow through, I'll still be glad for that momentary spark that reminds me of the creative, colorful, vibrant person I really am. And if that spark comes from a blog post or a half hour browsing Pinterest before work, so be it.
